Every 4th of July, I don’t just host a party; I stage a production. I spend weeks menu planning, three days deep-cleaning every baseboard, and forty-eight hours straight prepping guest rooms and marinating sides. I do it because my husband, Mark, insists on hosting his entire extended family. He loves the glory of the “Great American BBQ,” but he usually contributes about 5% of the actual labor.
This year was “extra special.” Mark’s brother, David, was flying in for the first time in five years. They have a bit of a sibling rivalry, and Mark was desperate to look like the ultimate successful family man.
I went all out. I handmade the bunting, baked three types of pie from scratch, and even hand-scrubbed the patio stones. By the time the guests arrived, my back was aching and my feet were swollen, but the house looked like a magazine spread.
As the sun began to set, Mark stood up, beer in hand, to give a toast. He beamed at David, then glanced at me. I expected a “thank you,” or at least a nod to the three days I’d spent in the kitchen.
Instead, he laughed and said: “My wife just sets the scene. NOTHING SPECIAL. But the ribs I cooked are the real star of this show.”
The table erupted in laughter. David patted Mark on the back. I felt the blood drain from my face. “Nothing special.” All that work was relegated to “background noise” so he could take center stage with a rack of meat he’d only been watching for four hours.
I didn’t say a word. I quietly slipped away, locked myself in the master bathroom, and cried. I felt like an unpaid crew member in someone else’s play.
I was sitting on the edge of the tub, dabbing my eyes, when karma decided to RSVP.
Just three minutes after that toast, I heard it—a series of GUT-WRENCHING SCREAMS coming from the backyard. I froze. Was it a fire? An accident? I rushed to the window and saw a scene of absolute chaos.
The “star of the show”—the massive, expensive industrial smoker Mark had insisted on buying—was billowing thick, oily black smoke. But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was the Golden Retriever Chaos.
Our neighbor’s dog, Barnaby, had managed to dig under the fence, lured by the scent of the “star” ribs. In his excitement, Barnaby had knocked over the side table holding the extra sauce and the carving knives, then lunged at the smoker. Mark, trying to save his precious ribs from a dog, had tripped over the dog’s leash, face-planted into the bowl of potato salad I’d spent two hours making, and slid across the grass.
By the time I walked outside:
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Mark was covered head-to-toe in mayonnaise and chives.
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The dog had successfully snatched the “star” rack of ribs and was sprinting toward the woods.
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The brother, David, was doubled over—not with sympathy, but with hysterical laughter.
Mark looked up at me, panting, a piece of celery stuck to his forehead. “Help me!” he groaned.
I looked at the ruined table, the empty smoker, and his stained shirt. I remembered him saying I was “nothing special.”
I didn’t move. I just leaned against the porch railing, took a slow sip of my wine, and smiled.
“Well, honey,” I said loudly enough for the whole family to hear. “Since I only ‘set the scene’ and the ribs were the only thing that mattered… it looks like the show is officially over. Who wants to go out for pizza? My treat.”
The family cheered. Mark spent the rest of the night cleaning the grease off the patio and the mayo out of his hair—all by himself.
