It was my wife’s 30th birthday, and I wanted to get her something nostalgic. She has always been a massive fan of James Cameron’s Titanic—she can quote the “I’m flying” scene verbatim and still maintains there was plenty of room for Jack on that door. Since we’re collectors of physical media, I tracked down a special anniversary edition on video to add to our shelf.
I wrapped it up, and that morning, our three-year-old son, Leo, watched her open it. His eyes went wide at the shiny packaging.
“Is that a cartoon, Daddy?” he asked, reaching for the box.
“No, buddy,” I said, gently moving it out of reach. “It’s a movie for Mommy’s birthday.”
“Can I watch it after nursery school?” he pleaded.
I made the executive decision right then and there. Knowing the movie is over three hours long, full of tragic sinking ships, and—most importantly—contains that specific scene in the back of a steam-filled Renault, I gave him a firm answer.
“No, Leo. You can’t watch this. This video is just for grown-ups, like Mommy and Daddy.”
He pouted for a second, then shrugged and went to put on his shoes. I thought that was the end of it.
Fast forward to 3:30 PM. I walked into the nursery school to pick him up, expecting the usual report about finger painting or sandpit disputes. Instead, the atmosphere was… different.
The room was strangely quiet, except for the lead teacher, Miss Sarah, who was hovering near the cubbies with her back to me. Her shoulders were shaking. As I approached, she turned around, her face bright red, desperately trying to stifle a fit of laughter behind her hand.
“Everything okay?” I asked, suddenly nervous. “Did Leo have an accident?”
Miss Sarah took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “Oh, no physical accidents,” she managed to squeak out. “But Leo has been very… vocal today. He’s been telling the staff, the other parents, and even the school cook about your wife’s birthday present.”
I smiled, feeling like a proud husband. “Oh, yeah? He liked the gift, did he?”
Miss Sarah leaned in, her voice trembling with suppressed giggles. “He’s been telling everyone all day that Mommy got a ‘special video’ for her birthday, but he’s not allowed to see it because it’s a ‘grown-up movie’ that only Mommy and Daddy watch together in the bedroom.”
The realization hit me like an iceberg. To a room full of nursery school teachers and conservative parents, “a grown-up video for Mommy and Daddy” doesn’t exactly scream historical romantic drama. It screams strictly X-rated adult content.
I stood there, frozen, as the other parents in the hallway suddenly found their shoes very interesting or began whispering to each other. I spent the next ten minutes frantically explaining that it was just a movie about a boat—a very large, very sinking boat—and that I wasn’t, in fact, running a home cinema for illicit films.
Leo, oblivious to the chaos he’d caused, came running up to me and shouted at the top of his lungs, “Daddy! Did you bring the special movie for the grown-ups?!”
We left very quickly that day. Needless to say, we watched Titanic with the volume very low that night.
