I don’t like talking about this. Outside of my family only my fiancé and one of my friends know everything. When I was a child my parents wanted me to be a ballerina. My entire life revolved around ballet.
I wasn’t even allowed to go to a regular school. I had to have tutors so I could focus on ballet. It didn’t even matter to them that I didn’t want to be a ballerina.
I don’t have a relationship with my parents now. I have been asking some of my relatives to send any old photos they have of me because I don’t really have any. My fiancé and I want to have a slide show at our reception. In one of the photos I was 17 years old.
It would have been about a year before I quit ballet. Back then I weighed 41 kgs or a little less. There was so much pressure to be thin and anyone who was “overweight” [really a normal weight] got shamed.
So many of the other girls had eating disorders. My parents were really controlling about what I ate and how much I weighed. For reference my height is 161 cm.
Ever since my fiancé saw that photo he has not stopped mentioning how great I used to look. I don’t know how anyone can look at the photo and think I am healthy.
But my fiancé keeps talking about it even after I asked him to stop and I have caught him staring at the photo when he thought he was alone. It has been 14 years since I quit ballet. I weigh 50 kgs now and I eat properly.
But my fiancé thinks I look better at the weight in the photo. I don’t think I want to get married after what he has said. He knows what my upbringing was like. I have asked him not to talk about my weight but he’s not listening. Sorry if my English is bad but I am really upset.
