For eight years, my mother-in-law, Denise, was a ghost in our lives. Whenever I asked for help—when I had the flu, when work got crazy, or even when I just needed an hour to grocery shop alone—she had an excuse. “My joints are acting up,” she’d say, or, “I have my bridge club, dear.” She made it clear that while she loved the idea of being a grandmother, she had no interest in the work of it.