I\u2019ve been sitting on this for a few days, trying to decide if I\u2019m just being dramatic or if I\u2019ve been letting too much slide for too long.<\/p>\n
So, I (30F) have been happily married for a few years now. My husband (31M) is honestly a gem ,kind, patient, hilarious, loyal. Basically everything you\u2019d want. Which, after having an ex cheat on me with his best friend, is\u2026 kind of a big deal. That relationship wrecked me for a while, but I worked hard not to drag the wreckage into something new. And my husband? And thankfully, my husband\u2019s never given me a single reason to question him. Until now? Maybe? I do not know.<\/p>\n
My husband and I have a great relationship, and we\u2019re pretty social and often hang out with each other\u2019s friends. I get along with almost all of his group, and they’ve honestly made me feel welcome\u2026 except for\u00a0her.<\/p>\n
His childhood best friend. Let\u2019s call her “Clare”.<\/p>\n
Clare has always been cold to me. Not outright rude, just subtle enough to make me feel crazy for noticing. You know that kind of vibe? Every time we\u2019ve been in the same room, she\u2019s managed to talk around me, not to me. I tried. I really did. I\u2019ve smiled. Made conversation. Been nothing but warm, even when she\u2019s given me nothing to work with.<\/p>\n
She doesn\u2019t show up to group hangouts. But she\u2019ll invite\u00a0him\u00a0over. And he always tells me, to his credit. He never goes without mentioning it, and he\u2019s never weird or secretive about her. But it still rubs me the wrong way. I\u2019ve tried being friendly, I\u2019ve tried small talk, hell… I invited her to our birthdays, barbecues, engagement dinner (she bailed on all ). She skipped our wedding too. And she only ever seems to reach out to\u00a0him…usually when she\u2019s just been dumped and needs to \u201ctalk”.<\/p>\n
When I\u2019ve brought it up, my husband says I\u2019m overthinking it. That Clare is just \u201ca little odd socially.\u201d Maybe she is.<\/p>\n
Then, a few weeks ago, out of nowhere, she messaged\u00a0me. She asked if I\u2019d model for her project. Totally unexpected. And I was caught off guard enough to say yes. Part of me thought, maybe this is her trying to connect. Maybe this was her olive branch. I even felt a little hopeful. God, I was naive.<\/p>\n
So I agreed. My husband offered to come with me since he hadn\u2019t seen her in a while and thought it’d be fun to catch up after.<\/p>\n
When we got there, her family was also involved. And from the second I walked in, it was like stepping into some passive-aggressive Twilight Zone. Her mom and sister kept calling my husband\u00a0\u201cour son-in-law.”. I laugh, awkwardly. Think I must\u2019ve misheard.\u00a0It only got worse. During the shoot, came more of the snarky comments. Jokes about \u201cthe one that got away\u201d and \u201csome bonds never fade.\u201d Her mom, at one point, literally said,\u00a0\u201cWe always thought Clare would end up with him. But life has its detours, I guess\u201d\u00a0,\u201cClare always imagined walking down the aisle with him.\u201d And then:\u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s sweet of her to fill in, though.\u201d Oh come on! I wish I was exaggerating. And Clare? Just kept snapping pictures. Smiling. Saying nothing. No \u201cHey, cut it out,\u201d no awkward laugh, no redirect. Nothing.<\/p>\n
My husband? Clearly uncomfortable. I watched him fidget through the whole thing, clear his throat a few times… He tried to change the subject or came near by me during the shooting. He didn\u2019t say much either. Just went kind of quiet.<\/p>\n
I stuck it out for an hour. Let her take her photos. Smiled, posed, whatever. But the whole time I felt like I was part of a social experiment, and everyone else was in on the joke but me.When we got in the car, he was silent for a while. Then finally said, \u201cSorry about all. That was\u2026 weird, right?\u201d
\nAnd honestly? I didn\u2019t even know what to say. Because yeah… it was weird. It was borderline disrespectful. And the fact that he was\u00a0there, saw all of it, clearly\u00a0felt\u00a0it too, and still didn\u2019t step in or pull the plug? It makes me feel kind of alone in this.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m just tired. Tired of pretending this woman is harmless or just \u201cawkward”. She knows\u00a0exactly\u00a0what she\u2019s doing. II don\u2019t want to start a huge fight. But I\u2019m at the point where I don\u2019t want her in our lives. Not as a friend. Not as a ghost in the corner of our marriage. No more bending over backwards to be the \u201ccool\u201d wife. I\u2019m not interested in earning points with someone who clearly doesn\u2019t want me around.<\/p>\n
Anyway. Thanks for letting me scream into the void for a minute. I really needed to get this out.<\/p>\n
Edit: Sorry guys, english is not my first (or even second) language, sometimes it is harder to get my points\/ feelings across… Just to clarify a few things people were asking about: Clare is actually a photography major, and this shoot was part of her final project. I\u2019m not a professional model or anything, but I\u2019ve done some hobby modeling here and there, so when she asked if I’d help out, I thought it was a casual favor. Why at her house? She comes from a wealthy family and has a fully set-up photo studio in their house, which is why the shoot happened there instead of at a regular studio. I honestly thought it’d just be her and the camera, not a full audience with drinks and commentary ..<\/strong><\/p>\n Additional background: I grew up in a pretty emotionally abusive household, so I think I\u2019ve gotten too used to passive-aggressive comments and just sort of freeze up. Maybe that\u2019s why I didn\u2019t react more in the moment\u2026 but yeah, it definitely hit harder after the fact. I will update you as soon as possible.<\/strong><\/p>\n Thank you for all your comments \ud83d\ude42<\/strong><\/p>\n RELEVANT COMMENTS<\/strong><\/p>\n No-Strawberry-5804<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cBorderline disrespectful\u201d???? I\u2019d hate to see what you think is actually disrespectful<\/p><\/blockquote>\n OOP<\/strong><\/p>\n Wow, reading your comment and honestly so many others, has really helped me see just how not okay that whole situation was. think I was so used to brushing off this kind of behavior that I didn\u2019t even realize how deeply disrespected I was.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n I grew up in an emotionally abusive household, where snide comments and passive aggression were just part of the background noise. So when someone pulls that kind of crap now, I think a part of me automatically minimizes it like, \u201cOh I\u2019ve heard worse\u201d But reading all your reactions kind of snapped me out of that. And yeah, it hurts that my husband didn\u2019t shut it down. I\u2019ve been trying to rationalize it in my head like maybe he didn\u2019t want to escalate things because it felt like a trap. or that he is not used to being in these kinda situations..<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n None of that excuses it, though. Not even a little. I\u2019m going to talk to him tomorrow. Really talk. Not brush it off, not laugh it away. Just lay it all out. Because at this point, I need to know where he stands! Thanks for the reality check. I needed it more than I realized.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n ~<\/strong><\/p>\n OrangeGringo<\/strong><\/p>\n Gotta be honest\u2026. The whole modeling session photography stuff sounds 100% unbelievable. That doesn\u2019t even make sense \u2026 at all.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Are you a model?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Is she a photographer?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Why a photoshoot in their home? Why all the family members there?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n That\u2019s not how photo shoots work, really.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n OOP<\/strong><\/p>\n Yeah, honestly, I get why it sounds off. I probably would’ve side-eyed the whole thing too if I wasn’t living it in real time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n So no, I\u2019m not a professional model. She just needed someone for a thesis project, and I\u2019ve done a little hobby modeling here and there, so I figured it was casual enough to help out. I guess she didn\u2019t want to go through the trouble of hiring someone last min.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n As for the location, Clare comes from money. Like, money money. They\u2019d converted part of their house into a kind of makeshift studio for her to work in w. lighting, backdrops, the whole deal. So that\u2019s where we did it, which I didn\u2019t think was too weird\u2026 until I got there and her whole family was hanging around like it was dinner theater. Drinking wine, making snide comments, just\u2026 watching. It was honestly awkward as hell.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n I definitely wasn\u2019t expecting that. I thought it\u2019d just be her and a camera, not a whole audience and running commentary.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n A quick recap for those who missed the original: My husband\u2019s childhood best friend (Clare) has never liked me. She skipped all invitations( but invites my husband alone), avoids me in person, and still found little ways to insert herself into his life. The final straw? She asked me to model for her final photography project. I showed up thinking maybe it was maybe a fresh start.<\/p>\n Nope.<\/p>\n Instead, I got publicly mocked by her family, who joked out loud that she should\u2019ve been the one marrying my husband.<\/p>\n First off, holy crap! I did\u00a0not\u00a0expect that post to blow up like it did. Thank you to everyone who commented, messaged, or just made me feel like I wasn\u2019t losing my mind. So many of you asked for an update. And here it is.<\/p>\n For those wondering:<\/p>\n Okay. So here\u2019s the update.<\/p>\n Funny enough, I didn\u2019t even get the chance to sit down and talk to my husband before something else happened. (I just cant believe my life at the moment) .<\/p>\n Anyway, i was still trying to process what happened and sort through my anger towards Clare, and honestly, toward my husband too. That\u2019s when I got a message from my sister-in-law, we\u2019ll call her Madeline. I\u2019m really close with Madeline. She\u2019s also part of the wider social circle that Clare floats around in. They\u2019re friendly but not close. She sent me a screen recording from Clare\u2019s Close Friends story with a simple: \u201cWTF?\u201dIt was a clip of me posing during the shoot, NO MUSIC. But in the background, you can\u00a0clearly\u00a0hear Clare\u2019s sister say,\u00a0\u201cClare should\u2019ve been the one to marry him.\u201d<\/p>\n I. Lost. It. I waited until my husband got home from work, sat him down, and showed him the video. He watched it once, then again. His whole face changed, he finally looked\u00a0pissed. I could not help but think why didn\u2019t he have the same reaction there?<\/p>\n So I laid it all out. I told him\u00a0everything. Every snide comment, every time Clare made me feel small. How I\u2019d always tried to be civil. How I never asked him to choose between us. But I was done being polite while someone consistently disrespected me.<\/p>\n I told him \u201cIf this doesn\u2019t bother you enough to act, we\u2019ve got a bigger problem. I\u2019m not going to be in a marriage where I have to\u00a0beg\u00a0to be defended. I need a partner who stands up for me. And if that\u2019s not you\u2026 then I need to rethink this.\u201d He didn\u2019t argue. didn\u2019t get defensive and I know he feels sorry.<\/p>\n Then I showed him the Reddit post. He tried to read every comment. Some of them made him tear up.<\/p>\n When he finished, he looked at me and said that he feels like the worst husband. He let this happen right in front of him. He is so sorry. And asked me \u201cWhat do you need from me now?\u201d<\/p>\n I told him straight up \u201cThis isn\u2019t just about\u00a0her\u00a0anymore. It\u2019s about whether or not you\u2019re willing to protect this marriage. But I\u2019m not going to feel like I\u2019m second place in my own relationship. so It\u2019s either me or her.”<\/p>\n So we called Clare. She picked up all cheerful, acting like nothing had happened. We brought up the video. She immediately got defensive. \u201cOh come on, it was just a joke. Are you really mad over\u00a0that?\u201d seriously?!<\/p>\n And that\u2019s when\u00a0he\u00a0stepped in. \u201cThis isn\u2019t just about the video. It\u2019s the constant disrespect toward my wife. I didn\u2019t say anything before because I didn\u2019t want to lose your friendship, and I convinced myself you didn\u2019t mean it. But what happened at that shoot? That was disgusting. My wife came to support you, and you and your family treated her like a joke. I didn\u2019t speak up then and I\u2019m ashamed of that. But that ends now. I don\u2019t even know why I held on to this friendship for so long. If you can\u2019t respect my wife, you don\u2019t respect me.\u201d<\/p>\n She laughed, literally\u00a0laughed. \u201cWow, you\u2019re really cutting me off over\u00a0that girl?\u201d<\/p>\n OMG I was ready to fight. But husband calmed me down, said to Clare “If choosing between you and my wife ever felt like a hard decision, I wouldn\u2019t deserve her. We\u2019re not kids anymore, you need to grow up. I simply do not want to be your frienf anymore. I have nothing else to say.\u201d (Telling you he can be a gem\u00a0sometimes<\/strong>\u00a0)<\/p>\n But yeah, we blocked her and her entire family. Since then, he\u2019s been checking in with me. Not trying to fix things. Just\u2026 showing up. Listening, understanding. He\u00a0finally\u00a0sees what I\u2019ve been dealing with. We\u2019ve still got some healing to do. But now I know where he stands. And that changes everything for me.<\/p>\n To everyone who commented last time:<\/strong><\/p>\n Thank you. Seriously. You helped me feel like I wasn\u2019t crazy. And maybe even more importantly, you helped\u00a0him\u00a0finally see it too.<\/strong><\/p>\n THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT THE OOP<\/strong><\/p>\n DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER – RULE 7<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve been sitting on this for a few days, trying to decide if I\u2019m just being dramatic or if I\u2019ve been letting too much slide for too long. 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