By the time my grandmother crossed the ballroom threshold, the essential violence of the evening had already been arranged, staged, polished, and lit. My mother had, as always, taken possession of the story before anyone else could touch it.

That was her oldest and most practiced skill as she did not merely enter rooms; she colonized them. She arrived first, chose the language, and wrapped every ugly thing in a respectable phrase until the people around her began repeating those phrases back.