At 8:12 on a Tuesday night, I was standing in my sister Lauren’s kitchen in Columbus, Ohio, holding her unlocked iPad in both hands while a pot of boxed macaroni boiled over on the stove. I had only picked it up because it wouldn’t stop buzzing. I thought maybe one of her kids’ schools was calling again. Instead, I saw the group chat title: Family Only. My name wasn’t in it.

The first message I read was from my mother.

Martha: She’s just a doormat. She’ll keep paying our bills if we pretend to love her.

Then my brother Daniel replied with a laughing emoji.