“I’m just the stagehand, remember?” I said calmly over the crackle of the flames. “Stagehands don’t handle the special effects. That’s a job for the star.”

The “real star” ended up having to douse the entire meal in baking soda and fire foam. The ribs were ruined, the house smelled like burnt hair and chemicals, and his brother—the one he wanted to impress—was doubled over laughing, not at David’s jokes, but at his sheer incompetence.