But then I looked at my husband one more time.
And he still would not meet my eyes.
He sat there on that couch with his arm around another woman, in the home we had built together, and he did not have the basic human decency to look at me while he destroyed my life.
He was staring down at his shoes. Those ridiculous Italian leather shoes that cost more than most people’s mortgage payments. He was studying them like they contained the secrets of the universe, because looking at me would have required courage.
And Ethan Whitmore had never been courageous.
I understood that in a single, crystallizing moment. Eleven years of marriage, and I had never seen it so clearly. Every time he had pulled away from me after a miscarriage—that was not grief. That was cowardice. Every time he had let his mother say cruel things to me at dinner—that was not conflict avoidance. That was cowardice. Every time he had looked at me with that distant coldness rather than fighting for us, for our family, for our future—cowardice.